Calling... Answering... Pruning...

So... in 2007 I received my first calling. It was during a workshop at church run by Pastor Leung. In the middle of the whole-day workshop, he got us to do a devotion. So I went off somewhere, and because there was nobody in the English congregation there besides E and I, we did it in pretty close proximity to each other. After reading the passage, I couldn't concentrate, and could only think about Isaiah 6. I think that was my first calling, however, I didn't think much of it and just prayed for a confirmation if it was.


I forgot about it for a year, and nothing really happened. Until the end of Semester 1 of 2008(2nd year) where my outreach partner kept urging for me to go into fulltime service in outreach. Then I finally told him my 1st calling, there he thought he could be my confirmation. I didn't think it was anything, and prayed for a 2nd confirmation.

Nothing happened again for another year, a few weeks ago, my pastor talked about how I can go into fulltime ministry, serving in mission organisations with my commerce qualifications like his friend. I thought of it as a really awesome idea but didn't think much of it back then. 2nd confirmation/3rd calling.

The Sunday afterwards, my teachers/mentors/friends took me out to do devotion outdoor. When we came down to the second passage, it was the passage that I did devotion on during the first calling, Mark 4 where Jesus calmed the storm. Verse of the day: "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I do have faith... but very little faith... And I'm quite afraid.

I asked God 3 questions, that if He answers I think I will be pretty certain of the calling. First question was provision, second being my family and relatives' support, and finally, my belief of a female missionary shall only be an assistant to their husband. I'm not a big fan of female full time servants where their partner is not a full time servant either.

Since these things happened, everything's been moving so quickly.

Saturday I decided to tell my parents about my callings. Mum and Dad supports me spiritually, 100%. "As long as we're still alive, we will support you financially to do whatever God calls you to do". That's what Dad said. I cried in the car while driving. Thank God for Sunnies. Dad agreed with me that I should wait until Grandpa is no longer around, since he has a lot of expectations on me which I need to fulfill due to my love for him. Going into ministry will shatter him. So, question 1 and question 2 were answered by God through my parents. Thanks!

Friday, I made a mistake, I think while I was showing favouritism on stage, where a youth was quite offended by my actions. Last Monday, I was "suggested" by higher authorities that I should no longer teach my year11-12 Sunday School Class if other people are going to be offended by my favouritism. I swore in my head the entire morning. Next year, I would be teaching my original class again, and I've been waiting for that for the entirety of this year. I decided that I won't give that up without a fight, but chances are slim.

On Wednesday, after spending a terrific night visiting my beloved high school, I came home to some sudden news. Dad had an interview to go to in Hong Kong. If he were to be successful, my parents will return to Hong Kong for good. I am now left with the decision to go back, or not. Option a, stay here and live alone. Option b, go on exchange to Hong Kong for a year and finish off my Bachelor of Commerce and just get a diploma in Arts.

These two events shocked me, because they happened in such a short span of time. Things that I thought I had control over, I actually didn't. Luke 9:23 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." I'm being pruned.

Thursday I had a good chat with a very close sis of mine from CCF while I jigged Jap, and my mentor over lunch. I'm so thankful that every step of the way, He puts people there who lifts me up. People who smack some sense in me, and confronts me with God's Word to aid me in my decisions.

Pruning hurts. I'm normally so strong, but I finally succumbed to emo'ness this time. My first motivation to teach Sunday School was because of my nerdiness with the Bible, I just loved preparing lessons and Bible Studies so much. I chose that class for the age group, and if I had to be totally honest with myself, because I had people in that class who I favour. Now my motivation is just purely because of the students. I only want to teach them. Maybe I've already placed that above God and His plans. Pruning. Sucks. Maybe God's preparing for me to let go of everything that I grasp onto dearly, just so that I would be always "available" to do anything He calls me to do, anytime.

My parents leaving is another process of pruning. It will bring about many changes and decisions that I have to make. HK or Sydney? Keep house or move out? Move in with who? Where will my extra needed time be? What to do with the car? However, if my parents are not living in Sydney, then I would have one less thing to hinder me if God ever calls me to do anything. Preparing for me to let go.

I haven't decided what to do yet, whether to stay in Sydney or go back to Hong Kong. But I do know one thing, especially after today (Sunday). I sincerely want to see my students grow up and take over us as leaders. I want to see them glorify You, just as my grandfather wants to see me graduate. I want to see them talking to You, living a life with You and for You, I want to see the day where I watch them do something and I can proudly say "I taught them!" But this paragraph is all about "I want", so it can be disregarded. Today in Sunday School I taught about Joshua's final speech to the Israelites, where after Joshua asked them "Have you chosen to side with God?" they responded to Joshua using his quotes, showing that they were listening to Joshua. I'm pretty sure Joshua was majorly thrilled. Every time my students say "I remember you said..." or "I remember you shared about..." I am absolutely thrilled. So it's true, I am biased. If this isn't favouritism, then I don't know what is.

Lord, pruning really hurts. I don't want to give up these heavy branches. Please be gentle with me, a weak servant.

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