22 Jul 2010

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Seems like it's been a while when I sat here in my room feeling like I have the time to reflect on life. It's definitely something that I should be doing more often... Be Still.

A lot has changed since the last God Encounter entry, that was after the Refueled book. I still think about that book, but I never had enough self discipline to live it out. I've discovered a new target, even though I'm not doing so well myself, I hope I can still help her through her quest for growth.

Going back to uni feels so different. Maybe because I'm bald now, but I felt so uncomfortable, until I went back to my familiar groups. Perhaps I'm running out of socialising skills, or maybe it's just my fear of losing control of something that I've been chasing previously. I pray that this new hair will keep reminding me to become a better person, it's a metaphor for shedding the excess luxuries, which I used grasp so tightly.

It's almost a year now since my last spiritual high. Must get my act together.

John 12:20-36 - Holding on to Life

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"Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out." - Romans 12:2.

How appropriate. Just when I'm thinking that my focus has shifted... Jesus talks about when people hold onto life, we're actually blocking the growth that could come of it. Which is true, obviously. There's so many things that I'm chasing at the moment, and by the way I prioritise everything, I think it's pretty clear what's going on.

So... how have You been? Seems like we should catch up...

John 10:1-18 - Knowing the Good Shepherd

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I remember doing this about 3-4 weeks ago at the Bella Vista lake when the whole tribunal thing happened, but due to laziness it was never blogged.

A good shepherd is willing to lay down His own life, out of His own free will, to protect His flock.

I hate birds. When I was there, it was almost raining at around 4pm. All the birds in the area were flying back into their nest, and I was sitting there next to the lake freaking out. But in my fear, none of them dirtied me, or swooped me or anything. In the midst of the whole tribunal chaos, even though we spent so much effort trying to figure out every flaw in the case, in the end it was something unexpected that helped us through. Nothing's in our control, and we'll be safe in His arms always.

John 8:1-11 - No Condemnation

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This was the passage I did when I finished my exams, and went to MQUni to do some catch up reading.

Go on your way. From now on don't sin.

8 Jun 2010

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There's this book... Refueled. I read through half of it already, yeah, I need to be refueled. I've gone on turbo for far too long, and much too quickly. And now I'm running on empty, but not going into petrol stations. What the hell am I doing?

Thank You though, for randomly leading me into Koorong. Finding Refuel and Sanctus Real. I know exactly what I have to do to please You, but I also know what I want. And I don't know why You never, ever give it to me. I know I always forget to pray for the things that I'm supposed to, like now I've just neglected so, so much. But the one thing that has been consistent, why have You never healed me...

When I was listening to Sanctus Real in the car, I can hear You singing "I'll show you how to live" to me. I almost... You promised that it'd be better than this. Show me again!!!!

I heard the sound of your first breath
A brand new life on your mother’s chest
A beating heart, expectant eyes
On the first day of your life
I saw you take your first step
And I watched you run with no regret
To chase your dreams and find true love
And the best is yet to come

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Remember how you felt from across the room
When you realized someone had eyes for you
And the way your heart sang cuz you believed
You were worth something

So come with me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live
Oh, I’ll show you how to live

Cuz I created your heart
That makes you feel
I am the love that makes it real
Oh, I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Cause I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the one, I’m the One, I’m the One

John 5:1-9 - Do you want to get well?

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Sigh... I'm back. Guess we all know that I've fallen out, need time off. Here I am, sitting paralyzed at Bethesda but not wanting to get healed. I enjoy, actually, I loved not being spiritually healthy. I'm doing all that I want, this is the life that I've been missing for four years. Back to what it's like in highschool, just following my heart, no responsibility of setting a good example.

Oh, what am I doing... One more week. This Friday will be my first and last day off. Then I'll be back. Maybe.

John 3:1-21 - Trusting and Expectant

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This is a really famous story, we've all heard this a million times from Sunday School, and we always think that Nicodemus is kind of thick for not understanding the concept of "born from above" in the unworldly kind of way. But come to think of it, I'm even worse than Nicodemus.

It's one thing to know, but another to understand.

I think lately, my attention has been captured by many other things. Or one thing mainly. I know what it's like to be trusting and expectant, but I just need to shift the trust to the right place.

I'm at it again. I thought I've escaped from being bound by the last thing, and as soon as I'm free, comes a new one.

But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.

I can't take my mind off it. What's going on...

John 1:12-18 - Life-light

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I can't really concentrate today. This is definitely not where we're meant to be. It's not right.

No one has ever seen god, not so much as a glimpse.